Day 2 of 100

 technology issues. Here is painting for day 2. Maybe it is an underpainting for tomorrow. We will see.

Day 1 of 100

This was started a few weeks ago. Today I decided it was going to get crazy color. Fighting color.

I have been fighting the inner critic and I have been fighting fear. Each time I sit down to draw or paint I have thoughts of inadequacy. I am distracted by other obligations. It is not as fun as it used to be. The mental stamina required is not there. I was thinking I should close this chapter of my life. But I remember how much joy and satisfaction it used to bring me. It used to energize me. Lately nothing energizes me. I decided that I need to force myself to rebuild the stamina. A little bit every day. I have been doing my sketchbook every day since Jan 1, so that is encouraging. I am not going to post these to facebook yet. I do not want the attention.

Christmas Cactus

 I have been sabotaging my artmaking. Fear was winning for a little while. Watching a motivational video helped.

http://youtu.be/XX30i6nC7ro

 I do not have anything else to say just now.

Flooded trails

There are wonderful wooded trails near my home. This year we have had so much rain that they are flooded in many places. This morning the water had receded enough that I could get to a section of trail where I have not been for many weeks, but still could not get all the way around the loop. This is where I had to turn back. 

I was feeling overwhelmed this morning by so many different aspects of my life that have issues to resolve. If the tree is a metaphor for what is wrong, all those different things are the branches. Just like when we cut down the branches of the tree, we have to take them one at a time and be safe. Each one is really hard and might take a long time. It is ok to ask for help. 

While walking, I was thinking of the tree as a self portrait, but I don't want to cut off parts of myself. Yikes. And then I noticed the trees flooded. Overwhelmed with too much of what they need to live.

So these are the thoughts roaming through my brain today. 

I have also been exploring man-made patterns of wood. Maybe these ideas will become more developed ideas someday.

Branches and Patterns

 I am relieved that the last big branch is on the ground with no damage to people or property. I was praying hard.

The biggest victory today so far is that I showed up for my "class". Although I was 10 minutes late and snuck a look at facebook, I also got some work done. I realized that I am interested in how the natural shapes of the branches and leaves look next to the man-made patterns in the bricks, fence, and wishing well. Now I have a goal for tomorrow's work.

Unfinished Tree Project

So this happened. The maple tree in the front yard needed to come down. We are doing it ourselves, but we are so busy it currently sits in this unfinished state. The yard has branches everywhere and I find this situation embarrassing. That is the truth. Friday and Saturday were professional conference days for me. I saw Ricardo Levins Morales speak on Friday and Gabrielle Civil speak yesterday. The concept that struck me the strongest was Gabrielle's. When deciding what to make your art about, tell the truth. And then make something new. And then document it. And then share it. Repeat.

Today is Daylight Savings day. I have an extra hour I did not know I would have until I got up this morning and noticed that my cell phone was showing a different time than the clock on the shelf. I decided I would use this hour on myself.

Another story that influenced my decisions today: Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a book called "Big Magic". That book inspired two Minnesota artists (Tiffany Besonen and Brian Frink) to lead a session at the conference. The session made me realize that I need to stop waiting for inspiration and shut Fear up. They said the book describes Big Magic as a creative force that will suggest the next step if you are making an effort, but will move on to someone else if you are doing nothing. Wow. That is not a totally new concept to me, but hearing it in that way was exactly what I needed to hear at this time. I choose to envision Big Magic as God working through receptive individuals. You can view it differently if that works better for you.

Today, instead of seeing myself as an artist working alone, I see myself as a student in a class. My job is to do the work to the best of my ability, using my time well. If I get stuck I should keep trying and trust that the teacher will be pleased with my effort and offer suggestions as needed. I need to be aware and notice when directions are being given. Every assignment does not have to a masterpiece. Sometimes we are working on building skills or doing research. The important thing is to show up and do the work.

Its the heat. And the humidity.

I went to Willow River State Park in Wisconsin yesterday. I knew it would be hot, but it surprised me that my glasses kept fogging up. I made these two paintings without my glasses. The leaves were drawn back on the day I went to Banning State Park in Minnesota and it started to rain before I could get the paint out. It is raining today. I plan to do some schoolwork this morning and then some organizing of my recent work this afternoon. That is, unless my family wants to do something together. I could also organize later this evening.