Christmas Cactus

 I have been sabotaging my artmaking. Fear was winning for a little while. Watching a motivational video helped.

http://youtu.be/XX30i6nC7ro

 I do not have anything else to say just now.

Flooded trails

There are wonderful wooded trails near my home. This year we have had so much rain that they are flooded in many places. This morning the water had receded enough that I could get to a section of trail where I have not been for many weeks, but still could not get all the way around the loop. This is where I had to turn back. 

I was feeling overwhelmed this morning by so many different aspects of my life that have issues to resolve. If the tree is a metaphor for what is wrong, all those different things are the branches. Just like when we cut down the branches of the tree, we have to take them one at a time and be safe. Each one is really hard and might take a long time. It is ok to ask for help. 

While walking, I was thinking of the tree as a self portrait, but I don't want to cut off parts of myself. Yikes. And then I noticed the trees flooded. Overwhelmed with too much of what they need to live.

So these are the thoughts roaming through my brain today. 

I have also been exploring man-made patterns of wood. Maybe these ideas will become more developed ideas someday.

Branches and Patterns

 I am relieved that the last big branch is on the ground with no damage to people or property. I was praying hard.

The biggest victory today so far is that I showed up for my "class". Although I was 10 minutes late and snuck a look at facebook, I also got some work done. I realized that I am interested in how the natural shapes of the branches and leaves look next to the man-made patterns in the bricks, fence, and wishing well. Now I have a goal for tomorrow's work.

Unfinished Tree Project

So this happened. The maple tree in the front yard needed to come down. We are doing it ourselves, but we are so busy it currently sits in this unfinished state. The yard has branches everywhere and I find this situation embarrassing. That is the truth. Friday and Saturday were professional conference days for me. I saw Ricardo Levins Morales speak on Friday and Gabrielle Civil speak yesterday. The concept that struck me the strongest was Gabrielle's. When deciding what to make your art about, tell the truth. And then make something new. And then document it. And then share it. Repeat.

Today is Daylight Savings day. I have an extra hour I did not know I would have until I got up this morning and noticed that my cell phone was showing a different time than the clock on the shelf. I decided I would use this hour on myself.

Another story that influenced my decisions today: Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a book called "Big Magic". That book inspired two Minnesota artists (Tiffany Besonen and Brian Frink) to lead a session at the conference. The session made me realize that I need to stop waiting for inspiration and shut Fear up. They said the book describes Big Magic as a creative force that will suggest the next step if you are making an effort, but will move on to someone else if you are doing nothing. Wow. That is not a totally new concept to me, but hearing it in that way was exactly what I needed to hear at this time. I choose to envision Big Magic as God working through receptive individuals. You can view it differently if that works better for you.

Today, instead of seeing myself as an artist working alone, I see myself as a student in a class. My job is to do the work to the best of my ability, using my time well. If I get stuck I should keep trying and trust that the teacher will be pleased with my effort and offer suggestions as needed. I need to be aware and notice when directions are being given. Every assignment does not have to a masterpiece. Sometimes we are working on building skills or doing research. The important thing is to show up and do the work.

Its the heat. And the humidity.

I went to Willow River State Park in Wisconsin yesterday. I knew it would be hot, but it surprised me that my glasses kept fogging up. I made these two paintings without my glasses. The leaves were drawn back on the day I went to Banning State Park in Minnesota and it started to rain before I could get the paint out. It is raining today. I plan to do some schoolwork this morning and then some organizing of my recent work this afternoon. That is, unless my family wants to do something together. I could also organize later this evening.

Ash leaves and an old Waterfall

On Wednesday the rain interrupted my painting. On Thursday and Friday, my schedule prevented painting. I wonder if I can make painting a higher priority. I hope so.

One of the combinations of leaves looks like a mermaid tail to me. I decided to let it look like that.

I went through my recent paintings and decided which ones to keep. The others will be returned to my paint bag so I can reuse the back of the paper for sketches. This next waterfall painting is from a day I spent at Hansen Park, New Brighton back in May. It is one of the keepers and I did not see it in my past posts.

Backyard Woods

I feel blessed to have natural space right out my back door and time to sit out there. I tried a different way to render the negative space on this picture. I am not entirely happy with it. Tomorrow I plan to return to simpler compositions.

Being outside is my favorite thing. Some people have told me that they feel uncomfortable in the woods. At first that surprised me but I guess it has to do with your experiences. The woods is my recharging place.

I have painted three days on a row now. I hope I can keep this up.

Wild Plant

I think this plant is called a "cockle burr" but I could be wrong. It has those sphere shaped prickly things at the top. This was growing wild next to a park bench. I prefer the term"wild plant" over the term "weed".

Deer Friends

This one will make the deer hungry for lunch.

Hopefully the cayenne pepper I sprinkled on the hosta will encourage the deer to move on.

Today I sat in my own yard to paint and that was enjoyable.

I am working on getting over the self-consciousness of wondering what the neighbors will think.

I guess they will think I am painting and move on with their day.

Showing up at the pen and paintbrush is the first step. It is also the second step, and the third through the hundreth step. No sense in counting. I trust I will know when to do something more than simply show up and paint. So far it is enough.

Petunias

There is something about petunias. The blossoms are billowy. The leaves are compact. The buds are long cylinders. You have to yank out the dead blossoms to promote new blossoms. I feel like I have written this before. I will stop there.

Landscape Arboretum

I decided to become a member of the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum since it looks like I might be in that area more often now. I have family nearby. There are many perfect painting spots. The first one was right on the path on a busy day, so it was hard to ignore the people stopping to look over my shoulder. The second one was a bench that was about 5 yards off the path, so fewer people came to look. I think the young couple sitting on a rock behind me were waiting for me to get off the bench so they could sit there. I was aware of their conversation, and I could have chosen to listen to the words, but I was in the zone and wanted to stay there. I'm almost certain they were not speaking to me directly. If they were, they eventually gave up and left.

The pen drawing is of a fake waterfall in a garden at a hospital. I was there visiting.

That was a long dry spell.

For the last six months I have considered giving up on having art of my own. Life would be a bit simpler if I removed this expectation from myself of having to create stuff. I still kept a sketchbook, but I did not give myself permission to use my time to pursue my own artistic interests. So far my summer has been lots of dishes and laundry and gardening and walks and visiting people and reading and doing puzzles. Those are all good things to do. I realized the other day that it is not enough. I need to have a project that energizes me. So far I do not know exactly what my next project will be, but it will not come to me unless I start showing up at the canvas or watercolor paper. Here are a few images I created recently.

Feet Sketches: Fourth, Forth

I have now tied my record for consecutive days of sketching. Nine.

I started to lose patience after the folded over fabric. The second foot is not right. I was not able to get the fabric and my feet to be the same for the photo as it was for the sketch, but you get the idea.

The shadow of the pen about to touch the paper is something I plan to continue to use in future attempts.

Onward.

O Christmas Tree

Had to do this before the tree comes down.

I still like doing the feet sketches, and I have some that have not been posted.

I'm trying to figure out what is important about the feet sketches.

I think it is the folds of fabric, and trying to represent form.

Since it is technical skills that seem to interest me, I'm going to continue to sketch for awhile and not start a big painting yet. 

Am I just trying to talk myself out of starting a big painting? Probably.

Feet Sketches: third

This is me relaxing at my Dad's house.

Amber was just on the other side of that doorway making a quiche.

Dad was probably checking on the chickens.

I like how we visit for awhile, and then do our own thing for awhile.

Yes, that is a guitar case. Lots of options for music here.

And now, a Banjo

I'm at my Dad's house and there is this banjo sitting in front of me.

I never noticed before how the frets get closer together at the base of the neck.

My pen ran out as I was doing the shadow.